Some thoughts and struggles with Mother's Day.

Mother's Day has been a rough holiday for me for many years, this year was no exception. Of course everyone thinks that once you have a child this should no longer be a struggle, but the frustration and sadness over what could be doesn't seem to go away. This year has been especially rough and it got me thinking, I really wish that others could understand what things are like on my side of the fence. I found these two letters and I really want to share. Whether you know it or not at some point you will know someone that has experienced infertility or pregnancy loss or both. I thought I would share these so you don't say some of the same things that hurt so much that people are continually saying to me. I know there are only about 5 people who read my blog, but hopefully those 5 people will gain a little more understanding and have a little more compassion. I normally don't share anything this personal here, but I had to get it out somewhere since I'm still not at a point where I"m ready to talk about it very often typing seemed easier. These were not written by me, so not everything applies to every person in this boat, but it may give some perspective. What we wish you knew about pregnancy loss: A letter from women to their friends and family by Elizabeth Soutter Schwarzer I assert no copyright for the material. Please use it as you see fit to help women who have endured this terrible grief. Thank you. Date: Sat, 23 Mar 2002 When women experience the loss of a child, one of the first things they discover they have in common is a list of things they wish no one had ever said to them. The lists tend to be remarkably similar. The comments are rarely malicious - just misguided attempts to soothe. This list was compiled as a way of helping other people understand pregnancy loss. While generated by mothers for mothers, it may also apply similarly to the fathers who have endured this loss. When trying to help a woman who has lost a baby, the best rule of thumb is a matter of manners: don't offer your personal opinion of her life, her choices, her prospects for children. No woman is looking to poll her acquaintances for their opinions on why it happened or how she should cope. -Don't say, "It's God's Will." Even if we are members of the same congregation, unless you are a cleric and I am seeking your spiritual counseling, please don't presume to tell me what God wants for me. Besides, many terrible things are God's Will, that doesn't make them less terrible. -Don't say, "It was for the best - there was probably something wrong with your baby." The fact that something was wrong with the baby is what is making me so sad. My poor baby never had a chance. Please don't try to comfort me by pointing that out. -Don't say, "You can always have another one." This baby was never disposable. If had been given the choice between loosing this child or stabbing my eye out with a fork, I would have said, "Where's the fork?" I would have died for this baby, just as you would die for your children. -Don't say, "Be grateful for the children you have." If your mother died in a terrible wreck and you grieved, would that make you less grateful to have your father? -Don't say, "Thank God you lost the baby before you really loved it." aka "at least you lost it early" I loved my son or daughter. Whether I lost the baby after two weeks of pregnancy or just after birth, I loved him or her. -Don't say, "Isn't it time you got over this and moved on?" It's not something I enjoy, being grief-stricken. I wish it had never happened. But it did and it's a part of me forever. The grief will ease on its own timeline, not mine - or yours. -Don't say, "Now you have an angel watching over you." I didn't want her to be my angel. I wanted her to bury me in my old age. -Don't say, "I understand how you feel." Unless you've lost a child, you really don't understand how I feel. And even if you have lost a child, everyone experiences grief differently. -Don't tell me horror stories of your neighbor or cousin or mother who had it worse. The last thing I need to hear right now is that it is possible to have this happen six times, or that I could carry until two days before my due-date and labor 20 hours for a dead baby. These stories frighten and horrify me and leave me up at night weeping in despair. Even if they have a happy ending, do not share these stories with me. -Don't pretend it didn't happen and don't change the subject when I bring it up. If I say, "Before the baby died..." or "when I was pregnant..." don't get scared. If I'm talking about it, it means I want to. Let me. Pretending it didn't happen will only make me feel utterly alone. - Don't say, "It's not your fault." It may not have been my fault, but it was my responsibility and I failed. The fact that I never stood a chance of succeeding only makes me feel worse. This tiny little being depended upon me to bring him safely into the world and I couldn't do it. I was supposed to care for him for a lifetime, but I couldn't even give him a childhood. I am so angry at my body you just can't imagine. -Don't say, "Well, you weren't too sure about this baby, anyway." I already feel so guilty about ever having complained about morning sickness, or a child I wasn't prepared for, or another mouth to feed that we couldn't afford. I already fear that this baby died because I didn't take the vitamins, or drank too much caffiene, or had cough medicine in the first few weeks when I didn't know I was pregnant. I hate myself for any minute that I had reservations about this baby. Being unsure of my pregnancy isn't the same as wanting my child to die - I never would have chosen for this to happen. -Do say, "I am so sorry." That's enough. You don't need to be eloquent. Say it and mean it and it will matter. -Do say, "You're going to be wonderful parents some day," or "You're wonderful parents and that baby was lucky to have you." We both need to hear that. -Do say, "I have lighted a candle for your baby," or "I have said a prayer for your baby." -Do send flowers or a kind note - every one I receive makes me feel as though my baby was loved. Don't resent it if I don't respond. -Don't call more than once and don't be angry if the machine is on and I don't return your call. If we're close friends and I am not responding to your attempts to help me, please don't resent that, either. Help me by not needing anything from me for a while. If you're my boss or my co-worker: -Do recognize that I have suffered a death in my family - not a medical condition. -Do recognize that in addition to the physical after effects I may experience, I'm going to be grieving for quite some time. Please treat me as you would any person who has endured the tragic death of a loved one - I need time and space. -DO understand if I do not attend baby showers/christening/birthday parties etc. And DON'T ask why I can't come. Please don't bring your baby or toddler into the workplace. If your niece is pregnant, or your daughter just had a baby, please don't share that with me right now. It's not that I can't be happy for anyone else, it's that every smiling, cooing baby, every glowing new mother makes me ache so deep in my heart I can barely stand it. I may look okay to you, but there's a good chance that I'm still crying every day. It may be weeks before I can go a whole hour without thinking about it. You'll know when I'm ready - I'll be the one to say, "Did your daughter have her baby?" or, "How is that precious little boy of yours? I haven't seen him around the office in a while." Above all, please remember that this is the worst thing that ever happened to me. The word "miscarriage" is small and easy. But my baby's death is monolithic and awful. It's going to take me a while to figure out how to live with it. Bear with me. And to help give perspective on infertility. It is really a struggle for me sometimes when those around me assume I am so "driven" in my career that I simply don't want much of a family. And the tears, sadness, and feelings of failure don't simply go away because some one tries to tell you it isn't our fault. So this part is again not written by me and all doesn't apply to everyone but teh struggle and frustration is pretty universal: Here are the statistics: Number of women ages 15-44 with impaired fecundity (impaired ability to have children): 7.3 million Percent of women ages 15-44 with impaired fecundity: 11.8% Number of married women ages 15-44 that are infertile (unable to get pregnant for at least 12 consecutive months): 2.1 million Percent of married women ages 15-44 that are infertile: 7.4% Number of women ages 15-44 who have ever used infertility services: 7.3 million Number of couples eventually successful with fertility treatments: Estimated at between 10% and 20% I want to share my feelings about infertility with you, because I want you to understand my struggle. I know that understanding infertility is difficult; there are times when it seems even I don’t understand. This struggle has provoked intense and unfamiliar feelings in me and I fear that my reactions to these feelings might be misunderstood. I hope my ability to cope and your ability to understand will improve as I share my feelings with you. I want you to understand. You may describe me this way: obsessed, moody, helpless, depressed, envious, too serious, obnoxious, aggressive, antagonistic, and cynical. These aren't very admirable traits; no wonder your understanding of my infertility is difficult. I prefer to describe me this way: confused, rushed and impatient, afraid, isolated and alone, guilty and ashamed, angry, sad and hopeless, and unsettled. My Infertility makes me feel confused. I hope this will be a brief difficulty with a simple solution such as poor timing, but it is proving to be a longer struggle everyday. Surely if I try harder, try longer, try better and smarter, I will have a baby. My infertility makes me feel rushed and impatient. I learned of my infertility only after I’d been trying to become pregnant for some time. My life-plan suddenly is behind schedule. I had to wait to become a parent and now I must continue to wait again. I wait for medical appointments, wait for tests, wait for treatments, wait for other treatments, wait for my period not to come, wait for my partner not to be out of town and wait for pregnancy. At best, I have only twelve opportunities each year. How old will I be when I finish having my family? My infertility makes me feel afraid.Infertility is full of unknowns, and I’m frightened because I need some definite answers. How long will this last? What if I’m never a parent again? What humiliation must I endure? What pain must I suffer? Why do drugs I take to help me, make me feel worse? Why can’t my body do the things that my mind wants it to do? Why do I hurt so much? I’m afraid of my feelings, afraid of my undependable body and afraid of my future. My infertility makes me feel isolated and alone. Reminders of babies are everywhere. I must be the only one enduring this invisible curse. I stay away from others, because everything makes me hurt. No one knows how horrible my pain is. Even though I’m usually a clear thinker, I find myself being lured by superstitions and promises, I think I’m losing perspective. I fell so alone and I wonder if I’ll survive this. My infertility makes me feel guilty and ashamed. Frequently I forget that infertility is a medical problem and should be treated as one. Infertility destroys my self esteem and I feel like a failure. Why am I being punished? What did I do to deserve this? Am I not worthy of a baby? Will my partner want to remain with me if I can't have a family? Is my child going to be alone if I ever have one? Will my family be ashamed of me? It is easy to lose self confidence and feel ashamed. My infertility makes me feel angry.Everything makes me angry, and I know much of my anger is misdirected. I’m angry at my body because it has betrayed me even thought I’ve always taken care of it. I’m angry at my partner because we can’t seem to feel the same about infertility at the same time. I want and need an advocate to help me. I’m angry at my family because they’ve always sheltered and protected me from terrible pain. My younger sibling is pregnant; my mother wants a family reunion to show off her grandchildren and my grandparents want to pass down family heirlooms. I’m angry at my medical caregivers, because it seems that they control my future. They humiliate me, inflict pain on me, pry into my privacy, patronize me, and sometimes forget who I am. How can I impress on them how important parenting is to me? I’m angry at my expenses; infertility treatment is extremely expensive. My financial resources may determine my family size. My insurance company isn’t cooperative , and I must make so many sacrifices to pay the medical bills. I can’t go to a specialist, because it means more travel time, more missed work, and greater expenses. Finally, I’m angry at everyone else. Everyone has opinions about my inability to become a parent. Everyone has easy solutions. Everyone seems to know too little and say too much. My Infertility makes me feel sad and hopeless. Infertility feels like I’ve lost my future, and no one knows of my sadness. I feel hopeless; infertility robs me of my energy. I’ve never cried so much nor so easily. I’m sad that my infertility places my marriage under so much strain. I’m sad that my infertility requires me to be so self centered. I’m sad that I've ignored any friendships because this struggle hurts so much and demands so much energy. Friends with children prefer the company of other families with children (or similar numbers of children). I’m surrounded by babies, pregnant women, playgrounds, baby showers, birth stories, kids’ movies, birthday parties and much more. I feel so sad and hopeless. My infertility makes me feel unsettled. My life is on hold. Making decisions about my immediate and my long-term future seems impossible. I can’t decide about education, career, purchasing a home, pursuing a hobby, getting a pet, vacations, business trips and houseguests. The more I struggle with my infertility, the less control I have. This struggle has no timetable; the treatments have no guarantees. The only sure things are that I need to be near my partner at fertile times and near my doctor at treatment times. Should I pursue adoption? Should I take expensive drugs? Should I pursue more specialized and costly medical intervention? It feels unsettling to have no clear, easy answers or guarantees. Occasionally I feel my panic subside. I’m learning some helpful ways to cope; I’m now convinced I’m not crazy, and I believe I’ll survive. I’m learning to listen to my body and be assertive, not aggressive, about my needs. I’m realizing that good medical care and good emotional care are not necessarily found in the same place. I’m trying to be more than an infertile person gaining enthusiasm, joyfulness, and zest for life. And PS: I wish that I was able to adequately explain that just because I have a child or children already, doesn't make the desire for more children go away, just like the desire for more children doesn't go away from someone who does not struggle with infertility. Secondary infertility adds in all these feelings, plus the feelings of the child you do have asking for a sibling and worrying about them being socially "normal" as an only child. You also worry that God is keeping you from having more children because you aren't a good mom to the one you have. That's the one that will rip your heart in two and runs through primary infertility and secondary infertility, the thought that you can't get pregnant because God doesn't want you to have a baby. That goes to your very core. And, I'm posting this because at some point you may be in charge of doing something for mother's day in church. Although this is specifically written by someone with no children, it really applies to many of us who feel pain at this time of year. This year in church was especially hard for me, usually they just give out a gift to the mothers, this year they did something "special". Oh, that was great fun... Not only did they give out gifts but they decided to figure out who was the oldest, the youngest, and the mother with the most children by having folks stand up at certain times. Ya, that was painful. Not only was I not even young enough to stand up with the "young" moms, because I'm older, they all have more children than I do. Yup, I get that it's not a contest, but it's pretty hard to swallow when you've been trying to get pregnant longer than these folks have even been out of middle school. When one of the moms there has two kids and you TAUGHT her in high school. So please, if you think you may ever be in charge of a church meeting like this, please read this and have some compassion. I promise there is someone there struggling who just wants to crawl away and cry. Sadly, in my ward I know I'm not the only one. But at least the other lady who has a similar situation to me is finally pregnant with her second. And of course I"m happy for her, just still sad for me. http://messymiddle.com/2012/05/10/an-open-letter-to-pastors-a-non-mom-speaks-about-mothers-day/ I know it's a long read, and if you made it this far, kudos to you. Hopefully you can have a little more understanding of folks around you who are having a hard time. I don't want pitty or anyone to feel bad I just want others to understand. I'm having a rough time and this is part of the healing process for me. This mother's day marked the due date of the baby I lost last fall. It marks the 3 year mark of us trying to have another. I realize and tell myself that it took 5 years to get Garrison, and anything that happens faster than that is really a blessing. But it doesn't make the waiting and dissapointment any easier. I am happy for those around me who get to have the joy of adding children to their family, but it is difficult to deal with when it doesn't happen for me as easily. I wouldn't wish this trail on my worst enemy, but I'm sorry if I'm not able to show happiness for others in a way those around me can understand.

Another cookie recipe (GF)

Found another cookie recipe I really like today. It's from Paula Dean. I think the original recipe is meant to be for diabetics but it's flour free and as long as it's made with Gluten Free peanut butter, it's gluten free! And they are super tasty. I was surprised when I put them in my calorie program just how low in carbs they are. Pretty high in fat, but low in carbs! I still wouldn't go eating a whole bunch at 140-155 calories per cookie (I did 1c. splenda 1/3 c. sugar so mine were higher cal than all splenda would be. Even with the sugar they only had 5 g. carb per cookie, but 10 g. fat, and 5 g. protein) So without further ado, here's the link: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/claire-robinson/flourless-peanut-butter-cookies-recipe/index.html Here's another one, also from food network that looks really similar if you aren't worried about the sugar content since it doesn't have the splenda option. And the variations she has at the bottom look good too. http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/claire-robinson/flourless-peanut-butter-cookies-recipe/index.html

A couple of Gluten Free recipes

First up, Insanely Good Blueberry Oatmeal Muffins. This recipe is one I got from one of my favorite blogs, Gina's Skinny Taste. She does healthy low fat weight watcher's recipes. So far every thing I've tried has been good. Here is the link to the recipe for these muffins if you aren't gluten free: http://www.skinnytaste.com/2012/03/insanely-good-blueberry-oatmeal-muffins.html I made a few simple changes to make them Gluten free and they turned out so moist and good I can't even tell they are GF! That is always my goal make stuff we will all eat so I don't have to make two batches. So if it's bad, it's never made again. My changes are as follows: Oatmeal-use certified GF oats, instead of the 1/2 c. white whole wheat flour I subbed in: 1/2 c.GF Mix (Bette Hagman's mix- 6c. rice flour, 2c. potato starch flour (not potato flour), 1 c. tapioca starch) with 1/2 t. xantham gum and 2 T. ground flax seed meal. You could probably skip the flax, but I wanted the good fat and fiber from it. I would probably add the flax if I was using wheat flour too. I like adding flax to things.
That's it!

Sponge Cake- great base for strawberry shortcake
Adapted from my favorite cook book, The Joy of Cooking. I'm typing the recipe as it appears in the book, then adding my subs in at the end.
Economical, if you use the minimum number of eggs. Especially delightful, if you vary the flavors. (for gf I always use the 6 eggs, 5 if they are duck eggs).
Preheat oven to 350 degrees
Grate then stir:
1 teaspoon lemon or orange rind into
1 cup sifted sugar
Beat until very light:
3-6 egg yolks
Beat in the sugar gradually. Beat in:
1/4 c. boiling water
When cool, beat in:
1 Tablespoon Lemon juice or 1 teaspoon vanilla (I often use both)
Sift before measuring:
1 cup cake flour
Resift with:
1 1/2 teaspoons double acting baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt.
Add the flour mix gradually to the yolk mixture. Stir the batter until blended
Whip until stiff but not dry:
3-6 egg whites.
Fold them lightly into the batter (this is easiest with a large wisk)
Bake the cake 20-45 min. in a well greased pan. I use a fluted torte pan, the recipe calls for a 9 inch tube pan, I've also used a springform pan.

Now my subs for the flour. I've used successfully both a mixture of (both betty hagman mixtures I got them out of the book Life Taste's Good Again) GF mix and Featherlight mix in equal quantities and just plain GF mix. Then to it I add 3/4 t. xantham gum and an extra 1/2 t. baking powder. That's it! Easy subs again, and it's super tasty.

The best Chocolate chip cookies ever!
I've been working on this recipe for a while now. It's pretty good. Good enough that last week I made it for Justen and a batch of Tollhouse for Garrison and I. I ended up eating Justen's cookies because they were better than mine. Half the trick is in the freezing of the dough. Although they do work when fresh baked, they just turn out so much chewier when baked half frozen.

3/4 c. butter (I have used a mix of butter and margerine but we all know butter tastes so much better.
1 1/4 c. packed brown sugar
1/4 c. white sugar
1 t. GF Vanilla
1/4 c. egg substitute or 1 large egg (done it both ways both work fine)
2 1/4 c. GF Mix (again Bette Hagman's recipe-see above recipe for proportions)
1 1/2 t. xantham gum
1 t. baking soda
1 t. baking powder
1 t. salt (scant)
8-12 oz. Chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 375degrees F.
Prepare a greased baking sheet (I have forgotten to do this and it does work without just sometimes you mangle the cookies getting them off)
In a medium bowl, cream butter adn sugar. Gradually add egg adn vanulla while mixing. Sift together gluten free flour mix, baking soda, powder and salt. Stur into butter mix until blended. Then stir in chocolate chips.
Using a cookie scoop (looks like a tiny ice cream scoop) drop cookies 2 inches apart on prepared sheet. Then flatten slightly because they don't spread like gluten cookies. You will know if you forget to flatten them because you will have odd little dough cakes instead of flat, yummy, chewy cookies. Can do it with a teaspoon they just didn't turn out as thick and chewy.

Bake in preheated oven 6-8 min. or until just starting to brown. For chewier cookies, smack pan on counter when it comes out of the oven. Let cookies cool on the sheet for 2 min. until moving them to cooling racks.

Now the freezer part: I always make a huge batch and freeze so Justen can bake his own cookies whenever he wants. So I started scooping them out with the cookie baller thingy, really close together on a cookie sheet and then freezing. After a day I move them into a zip lock and he bakes as needed. As a side note, they are awesome frozen unbaked! To bake from frozen, put them on prepared sheet and let thaw about 20 min. (this time has been here in the winter so I'm sure it would be different if it were summer). You want them to be just thawed enough that you can smoosh them down a bit but they aren't all the way thawed. Then bake the 6-8 min (we prefer them slightly under done). They are awesome! We baked two batches side by side one night to see if the frozen ones really were better than the fresh ones, and for some reason they are.

Decluttering

This info is for Brittany, but of course we can all use a little reminder that spring is here it's time to clean out. This is cut and pasted info from the Minimalist/De clutter challenge I've been doing.

Mini Minimalist Challenge runs for the week, Monday-Saturday, with Sunday being break day. I will be updating the first post to reflect the current day. I suggest, if you are able to, taking your weeks worth of donations and drop them off on Saturday/Sunday to avoid a new clutter spot. Out of sight, out of mind. Before and after pictures are great if you want to post them to inspire others. Lets get minimal ladies!!!


Monday 3.5.12- Purge 5 items from a non clothing closet. Of course more than 5 is better if you have more to purge.

Tuesday 3.6.12- Purge 5 items from your bathroom drawers/cabinets.

Wednesday 3.7.12- Purge 5 items from your desk/office/mail space. If you don't have a desk/office/mail space then purge 5 items from your junk drawer.

Thursday 3.8.12- Purge 5 items from your spice/pantry cabinet. Check expiration dates.

Friday 3.9.12- Purge 5 items from your laundry room

Saturday 3.10.12- Purge 5 items from your CD/DVD/VHS/etc library.

Sunday 3.11.12- BREAK DAY!!!

Week 2

Monday 3.12.12- Purge 5 items from your reading materials. Books, magazines, etc. Check your bookshelves, magazine rack/basket, even the bathroom.

Tuesday 3.13.12- Purge 5 items from your closet. A good rule is that if it has not fit or been worn in 6mths, toss it.

Wednesday 3.14.12- Purge 5 items from your/kids craft supplies.

Thursday 3.15.12- Purge 5 items from your kids clothes.

Friday 3.16.12- Purge 5 items from your fridge/freezer. Check dates!

Saturday 3.17.12- Purge 5 items from your garage.

Sunday 3.18.12- BREAK DAY!

Week 3

Monday 3.19.12- Purge 5 non food items from your kitchen cabinets.

Tuesday 3.20.12- Purge 5 items from your kids toys.

Wednesday 3.21.12- Purge 5 items from your lotion/bodyspray/perfume.


Thursday 3.22.12- Purge 5 items from your nightstand/dresser top.

Friday 3.23.12- Purge 5 items from your car. Remember if it is not attached to the car it should not be out in the open. It will become a projectile in a crash. (Please PM me with purge ideas)

Sat/Sun: BREAK DAY! (since saturday is the day we have the most time, I didn't take a break- we went ahead and also did the medicine cabinet, & G's whole toy box)

WEEK 4

Monday 3.26- Purge 5 stuffed animals. We try and limit the kids to less than 10.

Tuesday 3.27- Purge 5 items from your filing cabinet. Taxes only need to be kept for the 7 most current years. Receipts only need to be kept for the life of the warranty. If you have not gone to paperless billing it is suggested to keep them for one-two months to make sure the payments are reflected on your next statement. If you save manuals check to see if you still own the item. Please remember to shred anything with personal information on it.

Wednesday 3.28- Purge 5 items from under your sinks. Try and only keep items under your sinks that belong to that room. Kitchen items in the kitchen, master bath to master, kids bath to kids, guest bath to guest.

Thursday 3.29- Purge 5 children's books. We try and keep the books to their age and reading levels. If they have outgrown them we donate them.

Friday 3.30- Purge 5 items from your computer/electrical components. Cords, disks, old games, old software, chargers, etc.

It's not to hard to do 5 things a day but on days you have desire and time, it's hard not to do more. Most days I take one drawer and find 10+ things easily. But it's so much easier to know that after 5 things you can walk away if you are overwhelmed. And some areas, I only found three things and had to count creatively. I keep a laundry basket behind my couch and each day add my items to it. When it's full I bag it up and move it to the trunk of my car so it's ready to go to DI when I'm out running errands. It gets it gone, and it makes it so I have no choice of rethinking "what if I need that". It's gone, and my house is my own again. It's so much easier to keep clean when it's free of clutter. I mean how many spatulas, toys, magazines, ect.... can I possibly use at a time? I've been amazed how much easier my home is to function is and how nice it is now that every thing has a place and we know where to look for things.

Garrison's Birthday

I don't have a lot of pictures (since as usual I forgot my camera), but our big boy is 4!! He's so excited to be older. Thanks to Nanny and Papa we had a really nice birthday party at their house. Justen and his Ag. Mechanics class have been working hard on designing this pedal tractor for about 6 months now. It was suppose to be Garrison's Christmas present, but didn't get done in time. So they worked hard and got the main part of it done in time for his Birthday. It is fully functional- loader lifts and bucket tilts. And of course it peddles forward, backward, and steers. Their next job is to design a back hoe attachment. They've even put a hitch on it so they can add more implements. Justen thinks he needs a scraper blade and a harrow, in addition to the backhoe attachment. Sorry for the crummy cell phone picture, it's all I have right now.

Mold

We have been trying to find time to lay laminant flooring in our house for over a year. The flooring has been purchased and sitting in the garage as has the paint. We thought for a quick 3 day weekend project we'd tackle our bedroom. Boy were we wrong! We got down to the sub flooring to find a little bit of warping, and it had been painted. We later discovered why. It was most likely kilz. Justen decided to put a new piece of sub floor down right there so the laminant would lay flat. When he pulled up the board he discovered mold. Lots and lots of mold. It wasn't new, and it wasn 't wet, so it has been there probably since long before we bought the house. It completely explains why I thought I was allergic to my bedroom carpet all these years. I've woken up with a sore throat every morning since we moved in. Thanks to LOTS of help from the Selman's and Pali's, we are ready to move back into our bedroom. Here are some pictures of the demo, and the finished room ready for the rest of the furniture to come back in. Now of course through this whole process we couldn't keep Garrison out. And as it turns out he inherited my allergies. He's had a thoroughly fun time with his sinuses through this whole thing. We managed to keep him out while the mold was exposed, but he spent lots of time in before it was discovered, and once it was mostly out. That little bit of exposure was still enough to reak havok on his poor little nose and eyes.






This is what happens when I forget and tell him to smile!




And the finished product:


Sadly the picture doesn't do it justice. We really love the end result!

A late Christmas update.

Let's start with Christmas. We tried to keep things pretty low key. I finished my Master's degree just a week before Christmas so I was using the break as some much needed recovery time. But we still found time for some fun and reflection. We started out at home, and then flew up to Oregon.



Then there was Garrison's favorite present:


When we went to Oregon to spend some time with my family, Garrison had a ball with his cousins. On Christmas Eve they did a little nativity play. This is a tradition that my family always did when we were kids. Since there were only 3 kids they each had to play several parts (except Mary of course since there is only one girl in the story). So first Garrison was Joseph sleeping when the angel came to tell him he should marry Mary. Then he's leading his Donkey. Uncle Karl was sure a good sport to play that roll, especially with all the teasing that came with it.






Of course the best part of the play we didn't catch on camera. Oh, how I wish we'd been taking a video. Garrison then had to switch roles to be the shepherds. No way was he letting anyone else take that roll. Can you say, Justen's Son all the way! Well, Oma told him to herd his sheep toward Mary (our donkey had now switched rolls to a flock of sheep.). Garrison ran behind, threw his arms up in the air, and yelled, "Get around Abby!" Yup that's right, you can't move sheep without a sheep dog.

And of course lets not forget when our ever shifty donkey/sheep combo becomes a camel so that the wise man (we only had one-Garrison was to busy directing Abby with the sheep) could ride in. Now keep in mind, Abby had been left in Utah so Garrison was herding his imaginary sheep with his imaginary border collie.


And we can't forget the pictures with Mater. There's a tow truck painted up to look like Mater in Oregon City. We were so sure Garrison would love it! Notice he's not in any of the pictures. He spent his time crying, clinging to my leg, and trying to run back to the car. Turns out he was afraid it would come to life. Oh, well, better luck next trip.